Typical Sit-Com Guy

Yes, it's been a long time between entries, but there just haven’t been many requests for parallel-universe TV character readings recently. Imagine that. But an interesting one did come across the transom today:

Hi! I’m from Indiana and I’m a Taurus. I was born in the year of the Snake. I am an illustrator, and I live & work in Chicago. When I was a child, I had a pet bunny, but it never gave me advice on how to rule the world. Who am I in the TV universe?

A fellow Taurus! And thanks for the interesting profile. You are the star of a never-ending comedy about a meteorologist. The valedictorian of your college class, you were never pretty or articulate enough to get a job as a TV weatherman. Angry after being rejected at the lowest-rated station in Enid, Oklahoma, you concoct a lame hoax in an effort to draw attention to yourself. You claim that a completely harmless gas is causing the planet to over heat. Then other narrow-chested and socially-inept weatherman wannabees pick up on the idea …

Just kidding. Seriously, you were a child-actor on a half-hour show about a blue-collar man married to a woman who is younger, smarter, and much hotter than he is. In other words, Basic Sit-Com Plot #6.

Your character was responsible for the biggest catch-phrase of the early 1990s, even bigger than “Whatchoo talkin about, Willis??” Unfortunately, this is one of the universes where I have problems with audio, so I can’t tell you exactly what the catch phrase was. Which makes me wonder - do you have a catch phrase in real life? Or have you ever dreamed about making a life television audience collapse in hysterical laughter with just one sentence? Maybe, somewhere deep inside yourself, you know what that catch phrase was. If so, I'd love to hear it.

And yes, I do have occasional audio problems in my "visions." Also, my visions are occasionally preempted by breaking news, severe weather reports, and the like. This only happens once in maybe ten thousand shows, but it does happen. Clearly, my psychic link isn't perfect, and it isn't a direct link to the shows themselves. Somewhere in between my brain and the actors' performances lies a recording device of some kind. Call it a multi-dimensional DVR. Who built it? Why does it exist? Most importantly of all, why am I linked to it? I don't know, but after millions of hours of bad TV sitcoms, I wish I could turn it off.