Lt. Gallagher, Classy Danser

David S. of Alpharetta, GA, writes: "Oh great paranormal oracle, I am the father of four boys, bald, and tired. I eagerly await to know my parallel TV show character."

Day three of my new blog, and I'm already up to my butt in sarcasm. In any case, here's your profile.

Show(s): Classy Danser (1980-82), Detective Danser (1983)

Genre: Police procedural “with a twist”

Your Character: Lt. Gallagher (first name unknown)

Type: Series regular

Actor: Sorry, no information.

Show Details: Classy Danser chronicled the life and times of young police detective Christina “Classy” Danser. In addition to being named “Danser,” she was an actual dancer until she quit ballet to attend the police academy. In most of the episodes, Classy would defeat thugs with fighting moves inspired by classical dance.

Your character, Lt. Gallagher, was the crusty Irish precinct commander. Gallagher’s function on the show was to storm out of his office and shout, “Danser, get in here!!!” at least once in every episode. He would then berate Classy for disobeying an order or breaking a rule, thereby recapping the action that occurred prior to the commercial break.

Classy Danser was a surprise hit in the fall of 1980. The watered-down message of empowerment, along with Classy’s gruff-but-fatherly relationship with Lt. Gallagher, created an appeal that cut across demographic lines. Classy's habit of wearing a skirt on the job didn't hurt.

The actress who played Classy was cute and peppy, but not particularly athletic. Producers made generous use of stunt doubles and creative camera work to help Classy Danser seem more like a real dancer, a fact that was brutally lampooned in an infamous Saturday Night Live skit. But by the fall of 1982, no conceivable camera angle could hide the fact that Classy had put on some weight. Ratings dipped slightly, and the show’s producers panicked. They killed off Classy and relaunched the show in January 1983 under the name Detective Danser. Classy was replaced by her heretofore unmentioned sister, Frances “Fancy” Danser.

Fancy was played by a 5’10" former UCLA point guard who could dunk a regulation basketball through a regulation basketball hoop. The new Detective Danser wore pants, and when she kicked some punk in the face, by god he STAYED kicked - and every man in the audience cringed. 1980s America was not ready for this much empowerment. Ratings fell off a cliff, and rather than try again with yet another Danser sibling, the network killed the show for good in April of 1983.